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Here we are at this day that perhaps was always inevitable…I accept what path we’re on. There’s no longer any point in rehashing what might have been.
But this isn’t our “The End” ~ we will always be a “we” ~ the miracles we made are living, breathing, walking proof of that. Two angelic reminders are where the focus should be.
Looking at our girls, seeing the chocolate brown color of your eyes forever married to the almond shape of mine…nothing else seems to matter anymore. I no longer doubt whether or not we were ever “meant to” be.
They, our dependent little beings, need us to be the “Mommy” and the “Daddy” ~ to not “ugly-up” the story of their creation. Because it’s their story and they deserve the most enchanting kind, regardless of whether or not we’ll be able to offer the “Fairy Tale” ending.
It’s time to put the focus where it should be…on our two precious miracles, our moo and boo…our forever you and me. The most important part of us that will always be meant to be…a we.
I understand the family leaving it in the hands of God.
If He calls the stars by name, I know He knows
every name of
every missing person
If He calls the stars by name, I know He knows
every name of
every missing person
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In light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I am sharing this more personal post of the story of me.
Once Upon A Time…there was a Little Me…So innocent, so fragile…so pure…
Perfectly created, perfectly shiny…perfectly new…
Perfect neat or naughty…perfect messy, perfect happily just being me…
Such a free little girl who danced through her life, giggling without reason, loving without hesitation, trusting without any reason not to…perfectly loved in an unconditional way…perfectly safe, perfectly protected from what someday would come my way.
Free to imagine how great I’d become, to daydream almost always, to be scared of the night and terrified of forever…free to be silly, free to spill my milk, to sometimes be flighty, usually messy and often late…a fragile piece of blown clear glass with nothing to hide, nor to hide from…free to be perfectly imperfect me.
One day older plus many days more…my perfect, some older, fragile glass self was gently taken off my safe shelf.
And my happy go lucky, ignorant youth, happily skipped into a far from perfect, fallen world.
So I got chipped a little, scratched a lot, but polished up quickly without too much harm due…until…there was you.
Did you notice my beauty then, the first time we met? How truly transparent I was? I had nothing to hide then nor anything yet built up on me to hide it with…do you remember how pristine the glass was before the first time you touched me?
And…I can’t help but wonder…did a part of you ever pause before you put that first smudge on me? Did you not know then how ugly you’d find the dirty, cracked glass of your creation? Or had you always planned to break your promise to be ever so gentle with easily breakable, delicate me?
And the last time you left me, when right before you left…well, why didn’t you just leave? Why did you first have to find me…to hurt me again.
You grabbed me from that dusty shelf that I was hiding on, why did you hate me? You eagerly, almost with pleasure shook me and then you…you smashed me on the floor.
I used to wonder…what made you so mad at me? Whatever was it that made you not even want me enough to keep kicking me around? Of course then I remember, the word that I said, to bring on even greater rage from you…you really don’t like it all, do you?…When someone says ‘STOP’ to you…
So you threw me and I violently crashed…I exploded, I shattered…you decided to put an end to my story that day. The delicate work of clear blown glass, the little me I once was…now just a million different pieces of sharp and jagged glass, each one bleeding their own unique shade…right there, where you left me, upon the dirty floor. Did you ever consider pausing before you quickly walked away? Did you ever think about cleaning up that mess that you had made?
But you don’t write my whole life’s story and it wasn’t your decision to say The End.
So the millions of pieces of shattered glass upon the floor each now displaying the millions of forever stained shades from the colors they bled before…they got up, they moved on, they live now, so damn much better than before.
Did you think that I’d just be swept up, quickly thrown away? Did you think that was the last of the once prized trophy you tried to destroy that day?
And now…if you could see me, how stunned you’d truly be, so taken aback by my intricate beauty, by the better me, now me. It’s really quite a miracle, it even surprises myself…to live my cherished presence, to love who I am today…because, well…there’s just so much more to me now, in part because you smashed me to the floor that day. Who would have thought, not you, I’m sure…the result of your destruction…would end up blooming into something greater than we could have ever imagined?
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy and it took more than just me…to create this breathtaking showpiece that you still most likely just haven’t the sight to see. I’ve finally come into myself, more so of who God always intended me to be…only His Design could turn a million shattered pieces into a whole, complete…perfectly perfect me.
And now…when the light shines through me, the colors that I once bled…they reflect a million different shades of light…an iridescent mix of me, the reflection of how I choose to display the entirety of me.
Sometimes, this gift, this light…it shines outside of me, magically finding and seeking the darkened paths of those most in need. And I am so blessed to have this light, to be able to share it…the joy, the gift to do so…well, to you…I can’t explain, but…it gives back so much more, makes such an even brighter me!
So that’s me…perfectly imperfect. The clear, transparent glass you once destroyed now lives out loud with so much to give, reflecting God, shining forth His Grace in a myriad of amazing, most colorful ways…
It’s just..beautiful…and…It’s Me!
by Sara Huizenga Lubbers
The more I read about PAS the more sickened I become…
How can this be going on?! How could I have initially bought into this junk science?! How could something promoting abuse be so easily disguised?! How can we spread AWARENESS of the TRUTH behind Parental Alienation Syndrome?!!
The most evil things in life are often the most difficult to see for what they are. Who would have thought that an Apple would be the Cause behind the Fall?! Don’t be fooled by the veil of deceit that many are putting over PAS.
Look into Parental Alienation Syndrome, read up on how all the major credible sources view this wolf in sheep’s clothing. You’ll be glad you did, let’s protect those who need it…the battered, the abused, our children…let the offenders of these victims fend for themselves.
Excerpt Below from the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence
What is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?
Approximately one in two marriages in the United States ends in divorce, affecting about a million children per year. About 10% of these divorces involve custody litigation. Some children are or become emotionally estranged from one or both parents during this process. The cause of this estrangement cannot be determined without an in depth understanding of the family’s history and dynamics. Research has shown that the issues underlying parent attachment or estrangement are complex and do not lend themselves to easy answers. However, some child custody evaluators rely on simplistic “junk science” theories to explain the child’s behavior and recommend “one size fits all” type solutions to force the child to divide their love 50-50 between their parents.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is one such theory. This unsophisticated, pseudo scientific theory explains a child’s estrangement from one parent or allegations of abuse at the hands of one parent by blaming the other. The theory, developed by the late Richard A. Gardner, M.D., portrays the preferred parent (usually the mother under PAS) as an evil “alienator” who is virtually solely responsible for turning a vulnerable child against their estranged parent (usually the father under PAS).
The simplistic solution is to separate the child from the parent they prefer and place them with the parent they reject or report as having abused them. Despite the fact that many of the assumptions underlying PAS theory have repeatedly been disproved scientifically (see below), Gardner believes that judges should back up PAS-trained therapists’ conclusions with the full force of the law and impose fines, permanent loss of custody, and jail terms to parents (mainly mothers) who do not comply.
Although some mental health professionals and child custody evaluators, attorneys, and judges have been quick to accept and admit PAS as evidence in these disputes, there has been no consistent empirical or clinical evidence that PAS is a valid syndrome or that the so called “alienator’s” behavior is the actual cause of the alienated child’s behavior towards the target parent (Walker et al, 2005). In fact, the majority of mental health and legal experts who have studied the issue consider PAS theory to be both erroneous and dangerous to the children involved.
The crisis in the custody court system that has resulted in thousands of children being sent to live with abusers. Attorney, author, speaker and instructor Barry Goldstein discusses the pattern of domestic violence and child abuse cases that result in children being sent to live with abusers.
This 12-minute trailer exposes a brewing nightmare in family courts across America- children are routinely being placed in the sole custody of their abusive parents by the family court. This film details a few outrageous cases from Marin County, California. It must be seen and heard to be believed: it’s an American tragedy. by Kathleen Russell Consulting.
http://stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?page=522
Please join us at Peace4 the Missing
Missing Persons & Social Issues Awareness and Support Network
10
Oct
08
PBS and PAS
NEW!!! PBS Final Statement Supportive Of “Breaking The Silence: Children’s Stories” ~ PBS’s final statement is out. It supports “Breaking The Silence”. The documentary was not seen by PBS as being one-sided and lacking balance
Below are links related to the PBS documentary “Breaking The Silence: Children’s Stories”. This important documentary details how abused children are not believed, and are then awarded to their abusive fathers. Mothers who try to protect their abused children are accused of having Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). PAS is not recognized as a valid medical syndrome by the American Psychological Association. It is junk science that does not belong in a court of law.
This documentary is important in that it provides a voice for abused children who have been given over to the custody of their abusive fathers. Plus, it describes PAS as the garbage that it is. Fathers’ rights activists are very intimidated by this documentary, and they have taken action. Fathers’ rights activists have engaged in a vicious campaign to denigrate both the documentary and at least two of the people covered in it. Fathers’ rights activists have sent hundreds of angry e-mails to PBS denouncing the documentary. They have made angry phone calls and written angry letters. They rant about this documentary on their web sites, mailing lists, and other Internet sites.
http://members.aol.com/asherah/breaking_the_silence.html
Please join us at Peace4 the Missing
Missing Persons Awareness and Support Network
http://peace4missing.ning.com
Wow…
I’m embarassed to admit that I finally got around to really researching PAS, Parental Alienation Syndrome. Upon reading about this “syndrome” initially, I was horrified to think of the “alienated” parents who are supposedly forced to endure these horrific ex-spouses…who for no reason seem hell bent on keeping their kids from them. I jumped on the PAS bandwagon and set forth to “righting” this incredibly distructive wrong.
Flash forward to a google search of PAS beyond the first page results…and thus the reason behind this post.
But, honestly…please don’t just take my word for it, decide for yourselves, check out some of these links, be aware of the facts and make the best decision. Awareness is key towards making our world a better place.
“The PAS label “has lived a lot longer than the data that supports it”. “I expect people to come up with crackpot theories. But then I expect scientists to do their jobs.” Alan Scheflin, professor at Santa Clara University Law School
Editor’s note: Some moms and their advocates have expressed the need to read father’s rights materials on PAS. We have made a policy decision not to post any links to such information on this website. It is not surprising that you can type this topic into any search engine and find hundreds of father’s rights sites promoting PAS as a legal defense or strategy for fathers in custody litigation. It is our position that if we were to link to father’s rights sites promoting PAS, we would lend credence to those sources and enable them to advertise their products. We do not endorse in any way purchasing their materials. If you are curious or think it will help your understanding of the issues, we hope you will use you local library or the Internet to do so instead of furthering the father’s rights agenda with your families income.
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/pas.htm
The Truth About Parental Alienation Syndrome And The American Psychological Association
Richard Gardner, Inventor of PAS Idea
The so-called Parental Alienation Syndrome, touted by many in the Rhode Island Family Court, has been discredited by the American Psychological Association and, recently, by both the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges and the Children’s Legal Rights Journal.
Please join us at Peace4 the Missing
Missing Persons Awareness and Support Network
http://peace4missing.ning.com
